hi. i'm struggling with darkness.

Wow guys, it’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog post. I’ve been really struggling with a lot of my own issues. Rather than taking my own advice and seeking out that community that I’ve built around me, I isolated myself. It seems silly looking back at this situation and then thinking of the exact reason I wanted to do this blog. The mission that I have for this space is that it is a place to share our burdens and walk through this life we live - together.

So let me tell you a few things about the light. In 1st John 1:5 we read, “God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all.” Let me say that again. There is no darkness in him. I cannot get over how awesome this is. How encouraging it is! The God that we serve loves us unconditionally, he desires us, he delights in us. In Ephesians 5:8-9, Paul writes, “For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.”

“God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all.”

I’ve been living in darkness. I have been buying into the lies that the darkness holds. Satan has had a firm grip on me for about two months now. I not only was listening to the lies that he was telling me, but I was also isolating myself. I was walking further into this dark cave. As I was walking deeper, I knew I was doing it. I knew that these were lies and that it was not anything coming from God. But I continued on. One of the most frustrating aspects was that I knew that what I was doing was not okay, I knew that. But I couldn’t pull myself out of it. That’s where the isolation took hold of me. I did not feel as though those around me wanted to hear about my struggles (lie.). I felt as though they were all going through their own struggles, so I had to be the strong one (lie.). I had to be the one whose life was all put together so that they could look to me for help (lie.).

One night, I was sitting in my room, overwhelmed with the lies that had been filling my head for a couple months. So I reached out to a few people, asking for them to pray for me. The message I sent out said, “hi my name is Paige and I’m going through some serious struggles right now and would appreciate prayers.” Take note: I just asked these people to pray and did not give them any details. But let me tell you. These women were all for it. I received messages back asking for more details (which I neglected to share - remember that isolation aspect?), but they continued to ask how I was in the following days. From that one night, I felt such a weight lifted. I reached out to these women and asked them to pray for me, not giving them any details other than that I was struggling. But by admitting that and sharing that fact, I brought a little bit of the darkness into the light. Bit by bit, I began sharing more and more. Bit by bit, I began to walk back to the mouth of the cave. And let me tell you - it is GOOD. By talking to those around me about the lies I’ve been listening to, those lies were brought to the light. Then, the light reached the deepest corners and diminished any darkness that was left.

Bring light to the darkness and the darkness will flee. We follow a God who has no darkness in him at all. Bring what you are struggling with to God, but then also take it to God’s instruments here on earth - those surrounding you. Keep bringing that darkness into the light, where we are able to see it for what it is.

“For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins.”

-Colossians 1:13-14.